You have done whatever it takes to survive childhood because you are born with the tacit understanding that when you reach eighteen years of age your adulthood initiations will begin. You are wired to think that your initiations will transform your survival strategies into the training grounds for delivering your Archetypal Lineage services to the village.
The dismaying result of not being initiated is that, unless you build up personal courage, break away from custom and journey to the literal edge of modern culture to seek out true initiators and convince them to provide you with adulthood initiations that free you from childhood, you will be like a baby chick that is ready to hatch but remains stuck in your eggshell for the rest of your life.
This crippling unnatural condition that you probably now experience personally is the equivalent off being permanently trapped in a straightjacket. But since everyone around you is in the same condition, your wounded incapacitation has become the norm. This website is saying that it does not have to remain the norm for you. Other options are possible.
No one can choose to take 'the path of a different drummer' for you.
More interestingly, no on can stop you from making and choosing options that are not offered on mainstream culture's menu.
What is an Ego State?
An Ego State is a set of ideas, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors that you are identified with. The first Thoughtmap of Ego States was drawn by Eric Berne, originator of Transactional Analysis. He distinguished three 'Ego States': the Parent Ego State, the Adult Ego State, and the Child Ego State.
In Possibility Management, we have found it necessary to upgrade Eric Berne's thoughtmap to include three additional Ego States: the Gremlin Ego State, the Demon Ego State, and the Archetypal Ego State.
The Thoughtmap of Ego States is inside of you. In each moment you are enlivening one of these six Ego States, and jump around from one Ego State to the next, either consciously or unconsciously.
The thoughtmaps, clarifications and experiments that follow are aimed at empowering you to stabilize in the Adult Ego State because the Adult Ego State is the doorway to the Archetypal domains where many people report they feel most alive.
6 Ego States and 4 Kinds of Emotions
The Thoughtmap of Ego States is related to the Thoughtmap of Emotions.
(An emotion is entirely different from a feeling. It can change your life to learn the difference between emotions and feelings...)
Either you understand that:
"Feelings are for handling things. Emotions are for healing things."
There are 4 kinds of emotions: Parent Emotions, Child Emotions, Gremlin Emotions, and Demon Emotions.
Each emotional source requires a different healing process.
When you notice that you are experiencing an emotion... and you know about Ego States...
you can easily detect which Ego State the emotion comes from...
and this tells you which healing procedure makes best use of your emotion.
There are 6 Ego States: Parent, Child, Adult, Gremlin, Demon, Archetypal.
The Archetypal Ego State is only accessible through the Adult Ego State.
This is why so much of Possibility Management is designed to support you being in the Adult Ego State.
Parent Ego State in action...
Parent Ego State
Voices in your head!
When identified with the Parent ego state, in our mind we hear either “nurturing Parent” or “critical Parent” voices that give us affirming or denying opinions about our self, about other people, or about what to do to survive a situation like this with people like them.
Our Parent ego state voices are NOT our voice. These voices came from other people, past authority figures like:
The voices were so important that we made them normal. When we left the source of the voices we maintained our sense of normal by keeping the voices going inside our head.
If we listen to those voices at all, or grant them any credibility in our life, we are giving our power away to the authority that was long ago imagined to be behind those voices. To be yourself in the present, here and now, we need to take our power back. We need our own voice. Realizing that the praising or blaming Parent-ego-state voices are not our voice does not necessarily make those voices go away. The voices can persist senselessly for years, simply from the momentum of habit, like a broken CD-player mechanically repeating the same track over and over again without purpose. Quite boring – especially for anyone forced to listen to us repeating what we hear the voices say.
If you think those old voices are useful think again. Voices do not make you good or bad, responsible or irresponsible. Voices cannot protect you or harm you. You cannot hide behind the voices. You cannot justify yourself with voices. You cannot blame the voices. Voices are completely irrelevant. It is what you do or not do that matters. Results are stark naked and voiceless. The results do not lie. The comments, judgments and opinions that come from the voices are not even ours, so we may as well get rid of the voices. But how?
There is one AMAZING way to deal with voices in your head: Shoot them with your Voice Blaster
Sometimes voices present you with whiny little reasons why you should listen to them.
They plead. They nag.
They justify themselves. They pester.
They tell you to be nice and obey the voice of reason from your elders.
They tell you to be civilized and careful.
"You should work hard. You shouldn't be lazy. You must complete university. You must have a job."
They tell you that life without them would be terrible.
If you listen and try to argue or reason with any voice at all, then you are already hooked and they’ve got you.
The only conversation ever to have with a voice is “Bang!” End of conversation.
The vampire voice game is over.
It may take a couple of months of repeated blasting before some of the more persistent voices decide they could probably get an easier blood-sucking meal with somebody for whom it does not yet occur to use their Voice Blaster.
Keep your Voice Blaster handy, even when you are in bed. You never know when you might be having sex with your partner and some little voices come around saying:
“Remember what happened last time? That’s probably going to happen again this time!
You will never make it. For sure you have bad breath.
You are a clumsy sex partner anyway. He / she is not really attracted to you.
You are not beautiful enough. You are not sexy enough.
You do not look like Brad Pitt.
You are not…”
“Bang! Bang! Bang!”
(It took you long enough to remember your Voice Blaster! Man, shoot those suckers quicker, before they even get a chance to say anything. You are not a victim of your voices. Just blast ‘em.)
Then blow off your smoking pistol, spin it around your trigger finger, and drop it back into its holster ready for the next time.
The Adult ego state speaks with your own authentic voice, and may be completely neutral and silent in circumstances where the nurturing or critical parent voices are screaming their heads off. In using your own Adult voice you have your own power. Using your Voice Blaster is how to vanish pesky Parent-ego-state voices and anchor yourself into your Adult ego state.
There is only one conversation to have with Voices: Bang!
EGOSTATE.01: Use your Voice Blaster!
'They' probably never told you about your Voice Blaster.
Each of us is born with a Voice Blaster on our hip. Reach down; pull your Voice Blaster out of its holster and hold it in your hand. It looks like your hand pretending to be a pistol, but it is actually your own personal Voice Blaster.
Your Voice Blaster has always been there, ready for you to use. If you have never before used your Voice Blaster it is probably because it never occurred to you before. Expanding what is possible to occur to you is the business of this book. What you get here is the possibility that for the rest of your life it could occur to you to use your Voice Blaster.
The Blaster holds an infinite number of charges so you never run out of ammunition, and a blast from the Voice Blaster never misses its target. Here are your Voice Blaster Operating Instructions: Shoot quickly in the direction of the voice and the “hunter seeker” function of the blast always finds its target. (“Hunter seeker” comes from Frank Herbert’s incredible book Dune, and in A. E. Van Vogt’s The Weapon Shops of Isher, guns that protect the bearers by jumping into their hands and shooting whenever there was danger.)
Please take note that voices that seem to be 'in your head' are actually NOT in your head. Voices flutter around your head 'out there' like a vampire bat flutters about its victim before it strikes for blood. The instant you sense a voice coming, whip out your Voice Blaster and “Bang!” Say it out loud. “Bang!” as you blast that voice right out of the sky. End of conversation. No reasons needed.
The voice either falls dead “Blop!” on the floor in front of you, or it flutters raggedly off, trying to come around for a second attack.
In order to survive, you may have adopted inauthentic feelings, either from a parental authority figure or from a political, financial, cultural or religious belief system. Feelings from others are one of the two kinds of emotions, not feelings. By taking on the feelings of a source of authority you take on its authority, but that authority is inauthentic. Authenticity starts when you take responsibility for abandoning your inauthenticity. This is a five- to fifty-minute partner-process that will help you to differentiate between authentic and inauthentic feelings.
Monitor your feelings in your conversations. Authenticating a feeling means to test if a feeling is your feeling or not. The test is to apply this question: “What is the purpose of this feeling?” Use part of your attention to stay in the feeling and another part of your attention to find the purpose of the feeling. Ask yourself: “Where is this going? What is its intention?” If the purpose is anything other than being in relationship through vulnerably sharing myself, it is probably not your feeling, but a foreign feeling with a purpose like:
Surviving by reenacting abusive behavior (physical / psychological / emotional / or sexual abuse).
Surviving through identifying with someone else’s authority (father, mother, boss, teacher, movie/rock star, political leader).
Surviving through identifying with institutional authority (police, religious believer, political party, brand name, professional title).
Proving that you were abused so as to validate being a victim, thereby justifying taking revenge.
Proving that you are right and the other person is wrong, thereby validating the superiority of your beliefs, and so on
2. In the instant you detect that your feeling is not about responsibly sharing yourself, STOP the conversation, mid-thought, mid-sentence, mid-gesture.
3. Say, “Excuse me. I just noticed that what I am feeling is not authentic. It is an emotion, not a feeling. It does not actually come from me. I adopted it from someone else." (Name the person). Or, “I adopted it from an institution." (Name the institution). "The purpose of this emotion is . . . " (Name its purpose, perhaps one of the purposes listed above).
4. Shift and start an entirely new conversation, an adult responsible conversation. The way out of inauthenticity is to be authentic about your inauthenticity. For example, even if the source and purpose of your emotions is not immediately clear to you, be as clear as you can be and then admit what is not clear. Say, “I feel angry about the ecologists because this is my political party’s dogma. But I don’t know why I need to follow their dogma. I don’t know what I actually feel about environmental issues. Probably scared.”
5. This is not psychotherapy. This is becoming authentic at a new level. You do not have to process everything. Simply say, “This is not my authentic purpose. My real purpose is to let myself be known in this relationship.”
6. Then create a new future for yourself by taking on a new practice. Say, “I promise not to empower that emotional rage again.” The promise means new behavior for you. Practice your new behavior with fierce diligence.
Child Ego State
Living in the past.
The Child Ego State includes both the 'free natural' child and the 'scared needy adaptive' child that originate with considerations from the past. Because it is childish it communicates about being scared, needy and adaptive so as to avoid encountering uncomfortable things that have already happened to you, or to continue encountering “warm-fuzzy” experiences that are naively irrelevant.
The first thing to recognize about the Child Ego State is that what you feel in the Child Ego State are emotions, not feelings. No matter how real the emotions seem now, they all come from the past. Regardless of how present the fear frustration, or how strong the neediness seems to feel, everything from the past is merely a memory.
The Adult knows that the present is the present, an always-evolving new set of unpredictable possibilities to create with. The Adult realizes that we have no power at all to change even the tiniest thing from the past. (See Experiments #child)
When you were a child your parents were busy. Towards you, perhaps, they were authoritarian, anti-authoritarian, or trying out some other parenting fad. The results were that some of your childhood needs were not met. You may sometimes feel the void left from these unmet needs in your day-to-day life. You may experience this as an aching space in your soul, bottomless, wide and unfulfilled. This aching emptiness comes from your Child Ego State. You may look to your partner to fill this void, but it is not his or her job. No amount of chocolate-chocolate-chip ice cream can fill that void either.
For your information, that void at your core is not a mistake. It is not a design error from God. The only design error from God is the size of the seed in an avocado. It is far too large for the size of the fruit. You pay two Euros for an avocado and slice into it, and "Kchunk!" You immediately hit that gigantic seed. It is ridiculously oversized. But the void in your soul? No, that is not a design error. As you get initiated into authentic adulthood your relationship to the dark void at your core changes. It turns out that you need immediate first-hand access to a source of nothingness so that you can create something out of nothing. What is in the emptiness? Nothing. What is possible in the emptiness? Everything. The new practice is from time-to-time to relocate your Point Of Origin into the center of the emptiness and find your new home there.
The Child Ego State seeks approval, acceptance, recognition, rewards, successes, and glamorous attention to fill the hole.
None suffices. The emptiness remains.
There is some bad news and some good news about your aching emptiness.
#Bad News - The bad news is that your childhood needs will never be fulfilled. Your parents and teachers and brothers and sisters are never going to come to you and hug you and say, “You did a great job. We love you totally.” It is never going to happen.
#Good News - The good news is that your childhood needs will never be fulfilled. You can finally stop waiting around with false expectations and faint hopes for something from the past to change. You can stop waiting around and get on about living your Adult life. You can grow up! This is great news!
Getting back into the present.
EGOSTATE.03: Prove to yourself that you have no power to change the past.
Make it so that you did not just read this sentence. Can you do that?
Because reading the sentence already occurred in the past. Even though you read the sentence only a few seconds ago, you cannot alter the fact that you already read it. You have no power in the past. The only place you have the power to do anything is NOW.
How much time and energy have you spent trying to make things different in your past? Trying to re-have a conversation in a better way? Wishing that you had made a different decision? Trying to find a solution to a problem that you had a long time ago?
It is silly, actually, that you try to change the past. But you do.
The illusion of reclaiming the 'free and natural child'
EGOSTATE.04: Become a Gremlin Hunter
The 'free natural child' has a 'great time' making messes without a care in the world, but that 'great time' is an illusion because the responsible Adult is the one who must clean up the mess.
The concept of 'reclaiming the free natural child ego' state has been frequently misunderstood. The concept has been somehow distorted to imply that the only real freedom of expression and joy in life comes through the free natural child ego state.
The desperate delusion says that to finally experience freedom and fun you need to drag that little guy or girl out of being abandoned in the basement of memory and then to place them into the driver’s seat of your present life. Then you can go play with the other 'kids' and eat ice cream.
The embarrassing aspect of this distortion is that your life as an Adult is an Adult life, not a child’s life. The child neither knows how, nor wants to take responsibility for, your Adult life.
Shirking responsibility and trying to live your adult life through the Child Ego State is a choice that can be costly in terms of life decisions. For example, what Man wants to have sex with a little girl? What Woman is attracted and turned on when in bed with a little boy? Don’t let years go by while you try to figure this out.
Through decades of in-the-chair process work with paying clients in Europe and the Americas we have distinguished two conditions in which external energies appear to inhabit and disturb your human experience. One way we have named 'Vampire Entity', and the other we have named 'Demon'. Both names are rather arbitrary, although they do seem rather accurate and appropriate. They are named differently because they have different effects, different origins, and different approaches to escape from them.
Both arrangements are part of your childhood survival strategy and have provided you with the benefit of decreasing your energy so as to be less threatening or challenging to caretaking authorities in your life such as parents or teachers. By having less energy you make yourself more harmless so they are less motivated to control, dominate, punish, attack, or utterly destroy you. As a result you survive.
You invite Vampire Entities Through telling yourself one of your 'Trigger Phrases'
The Adult recognizes that you cannot change what happened to you. Things happened exactly how they happened. They happened in the past so you cannot change what happened to you. But you can change your relationship to what happened to you.
You can change the story that you subscribe to about what happened. You can change your subscription. That old story about the thing that happened to you is a stake in the ground that keeps you from flying. You can cut the rope. You can stop giving the old story your energy and let it be what it is: a memory. Then, you can get on with your life and put your energy into creating what really matters to you NOW.
The place where you have your own power and intelligence in the present is the Adult Ego State.
How do you know that you are in the Adult Ego State?
#Clue1 - In the Adult Ego State there are no words. Present time reality is wordless. Words come from stories or interpretations that your Box makes up about what is happening. Stories occur in time. The present moment is only NOW. NOW has no time. If the present moment has no time and stories occur in time, then the present moment can have no stories. If you are involved in stories, voices in your head, or words from the past this indicates that you are not in the present moment. You are in time - meaning that you are in the past or in the future - and therefore you not in the Adult Ego State.
#Clue2 - The Adult Ego State respects people for creating the exact problems they need for taking themselves through their next step in evolution.
#Clue3 - The Adult Ego State lets other people have their own problems and takes responsibility for your own self-generated problems.
#Gateway to the Archetypal - The Adult Ego State is the gateway to the deep Masculine and deep Feminine Archetypal structures that are hard-wired into your body and waiting for you to turn them on. You cannot get to the Archetypal Masculine Ego State or the Archetypal Feminine Ego State except through the Adult Ego State.
Examples of communication between the Adult Ego State and other Ego States:
Parent to Adult: “Well, I don’t like this. Too many freedoms for the children these days, don’t you think? And your Johnny certainly is going to pay for his little attitude problem when it comes time for him to get a job! Everybody knows what happens around your dining table at night!”
Adult to Parent: “You don’t like this.”
Child to Adult: “I don’t know how to do this. It is all so confusing. What should I do next? Is this right? Why can’t they make things simpler? This is impossible for me. I am too tired. It’s too hard for me. I can’t do it.”
Adult to Child: “You don’t know how to do this.”
Adult addressing and responding to Adult: “Hello. I see you. I am interested to hear about what is alive in you and what you want to create."
Getting back into the present.
EGOSTATE.05: Anchor yourself in a small NOW.
Anchoring yourself into the short-now moment of the Adult Ego State creates a startlingly clear perspective. All of a sudden a lot of extraneous psycho-emotional baggage from the Child Ego State drifts effortlessly away from you. It is possible to graciously let this baggage go. All of those memories and conclusions are only one of your possible identities: your child identity.
When you affirm that you are no longer a child, you let your child identity go back to where it belongs – in the past – in the Child Ego State - and you step into your Adult Ego State. Sentimental nostalgia interferes with the enjoyable lightness of being that characterizes the Adult Ego State. There is a difference between reflecting on memories from time to time, and indulging in memories to try to relive them.
Memories are memories. You can experience memories in the present, but what happened in your memories is in the past. Whatever happened then, good or bad, cannot happen now. Only what is happening now can happen now, and we can only change what is happening now NOW.
Movies & Books
MOVIE107.00Avatar by James Cameron. To watch (again!) from a perspective that Western Modern Culture is centered on the Child Ego State, and the Navi' culture is centered on the initiated Adult Ego State. Especially the scene when Neytiri meets Jake Sully for the first time and begins taking him through his initiatory processes.
"You are like a baby, a child."
Archetypal Ego State
Living in the archetypal domains.
We recently figured out that you can also access archetypal domains through inhabiting your Archetypal Ego State. There are hints and clues about this all over. For example, even though in the city you might feel surrounded by corporate brand names herding you around to consume products, like 'cattle in the marketplace', if you look up you can see "angels in the architecture, spinning in infinity. Hallejulah!" (lyrics from the Paul Simon song You Can Call Me Al.)
Ever since the beginning humans have made statues of goddesses and gods and art that includes sacred geometries. We build pristine sanctuary spaces even in our homes, for example, to practice meditation or martial arts. Through Archetypal initiatory processes you can Stellate your anger, sadness, fear, and joy, to ignite your inner feelings archetypes: the Actionist (Warrioress/Warrior), the Connector (Lover), the Sorceress/Magician), and the Spaceholder (Queen/King). Lately there are so many superhero movies... All of these are mirrors of archetypal domains that we can perceive and from time to time inhabit together.
The Archetypal Ego State is groundless. In the Archetypal domains, there are very few rules, but the rules apply more strictly.
There is some bad news and some good news about the Archetypal Ego State.
#Bad News - The bad news about the Archetypal Ego State is that you cannot get there except through stabilizing yourself in the Adult Ego State. You just can't get there from anywhere else. There is no other doorway. It takes real evolutionary work to grow up enough to Hold Space as an adult by staying Centered, Grounded and Bubbled, Becoming Unhookable, Minimizing your NOW, taking back your Authority and your Attention and your Voice, having your Sword Of Clarity to hand and never putting it away, and an endless list of astonishing possibilities more...
#Good News - The good news about the Archetypal ego state is that you are designed to fly. You are designed to make right-angle turns while moving at light-speed as you explore and intimately co-create in the groundless archetypal domains. Many people report that through archetypal intimacy they feel most alive. Ever since you were 18 years old, your 5 Bodies have been yearning for the authentic adulthood and archetypal initiatory processes that jack-you-in to your Archetypal resources, such as your Pearl, your Bright Principles, and your Archetypal Lineage so that you can get to work being yourself in action in service to the world.
Thoughtmap Of Enmeshed Ego States
The Thoughtmap of Ego States is also the Thoughtmap of Emotions.
(An emotion is entirely different from a feeling. It changes your life to learn the difference between emotions and feelings...)
"Feelings are for handling things. Emotions are for healing things."
When you have an emotion...
you can easily detect which Ego State the emotion comes from...
and this tells you which healing procedure makes best use of your emotion.
Each emotional source requires a different healing process.
Enmeshed Ego States Are Contaminated
We discovered that as a survival strategy, often very young as a children, some people contaminate their Adult ego state with one or more of the other four ego state. Decontaminating the ego states is a very clear procedure. Enmeshment of ego states is one of the most pervasive survival strategy.
Enmeshment of Your Adult Ego State.
'Enmeshment' is a contamination of your Adult Ego State by one of the other three Ego States: Child, Parent, or Gremlin.
We have not yet encountered the enmeshment with the Demon Ego State. Please let us know if you do.
EGOSTATE.06: Decontaminate Your Ego States.
We have developed a straightforward procedure to decontaminate your Adult Ego State from being enmeshed with other Ego States. Even if this procedure is straightforward, it is not easy. The process demands your relentless unceasing attention and disciplined efforts for one to three years. This process can give you a decontaminated Adult Ego State through which you can interact with the Universe with a far greater freedom of movement and more energy. Decontamination feels like floating in a helium balloon and throwing out sand bags.
We live in an Adult Universe. The Universe is waiting for you to clean up and inhabit your Free and Natural Adult Ego State so that you can come out and collaboratively play.
According to reports from people we know who have made the efforts to decontaminate their Adult Ego State (including ourselves...), the results are well worth the Liquid States, the loneliness, the groundlessness, and the struggles which may arise while doing it.
The de-enmeshment procedure begins with ongoing Self Observation. To observe yourself you split off a piece of your attention, say, 10% of your attention, hold this part of your attention outside of your Box, turn this part of your attention around to face your Being which is inside of your Box, and dispassionately and with complete nonjudgmental neutrality, notice what is going on and what you are up to in every dimension. Notice your reactions, your strategies, your inner conversations, your purposes, your behaviors in each of your 5 Bodies.
Just notice. Make absolutely no stories. See precisely what is going on in the full horror of the situation.
If you make no stories about what you observe about yourself Self Observation will not be overwhelming. What you observe is just exactly what is, your 'X on the map'. Since this scenario is where you actually are and what you are actually up to, this is where you have the leverage to make new experiments.
If during Self Observation you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, depressed, ashamed, guilty, embarrassed, or self-critical, you are adding stories to your observations. If you interpret what something means or add comparisons or criticism, this is NOT Self Observation. Instead you are feeding your Gremlin.
As you observe yourself, you will start detecting, for example, Child Ego State behaviors taking place in your small HERE, small NOW Adult Ego State. You will simultaneously notice that the Child Ego State behaviors do not belong there. This is excellent. It is not good or bad. It is how it goes.
The decontamination procedure goes like this: One behavior at a time, move the behavior back into its appropriate Ego State.
For example, if you feel small and have the urge to complain to, or blame, some 'external authority figure' for 'hurting' you, or 'ignoring' you, or 'rejecting' you, this is Child Ego State behavior. Simply move this one selected behavior out of your Adult Ego State back into the Child Ego State where it belongs and where it fits perfectly. The behavior is simply out of place. Move the behavior back to where it naturally belongs. Bring it home.
Keep putting that one behavior back in its right place over and over, for weeks... for however long it takes... until it stays there by itself.
Keep part of your attention and energy alert to the tiniest hint of feeling powerless and wanting to complain or blame as a child would, and in that instant move it over to the Child Ego State and hold it there until it relaxes.
Repeat this procedure with radically-responsible unceasing vigilance until the behavior stays in the Child Ego State all by itself. Keep breathing.
Wait for a day or so. If you can keep this first behavior where it belongs in the Child Ego State, then go back to your Adult Ego State and identify and isolate your next Child Ego State behavior that is contaminating your Adult Ego State, such as perhaps, having a cute 'good girl' or 'good boy' smile on your face even during completely inappropriate moments, such as when you feel angry or scared, or, for example, being too shy or afraid to speak out and say "Stop!" or "No!" even if what is happening to you is not okay with you. Grab this next Child Ego State behavior with your Adult attention, then, with your Adult intention, move this next behavior back over into your Child Ego State where it belongs.
Keep repeating this simple and exact procedure with each tiny contaminating Child Ego State behavior until your Adult Ego State - with your own Voice, your own Authority, your own Presence, your own Feelings - remains free and clear of enmeshment from your Child Ego State.
The same procedure works to decontaminate your Adult Ego State from:
Gremlin Ego State behaviors, such as: making evil little comments or jokes about people, trying to make people look bad so you look good, lying, cheating, stealing, invading the energetic space of women or men and slurping up their sexual energy, leaving messes for others to clean up, being late to appointments, speeding, trying to be right or make someone wrong, feeling resentment, holding expectations, etc. etc. etc.
Or to decontaminate your Adult Ego State from:
Parent Ego State behaviors, such as: demanding obedience, criticizing, making comparisons, making threats, trying to control others, dominate, or manipulate, using false authority, using reasons as if they were real, bestowing praise as a 'reward' when someone does what you want, hearing voices in your head such as: "You are not good enough," "You are stupid," "You will never make it," "You are the best," "You are more beautiful, smarter and faster than the others," etc. (ad nauseum) and believing these voices instead of instantly shooting them with your Voice Blaster.
We wish you all the best in your practice of decontaminating your enmeshed Adult Ego State. There is a big exciting world out here, waiting for you to come co-create a new future.